Real football jokes & taunts

Former Chelsea striker Mateja Kezman taunted his old club by saying "Jose Mourinho would never have lost" against Fenerbahce.

First-choice keeper Kelvin Davis is out after dislocating a finger when he caught it in another player's shorts."
From BBC Sport website article... use your own imagination!

"That was a good penalty, he just failed to hit the target."
BBC co-commentator during the Dundee Utd-Rangers CIS Cup final penalty shoot-out.

"I feel I can still do the same job as I did 10 years ago - I've just got a few more wrinkles!"
'Oldenballs' David Beckham on the prospect of winning his 100th England cap against France

"I think if we win and Arsenal and Chelsea lose, it will be a good day!"
Sir Alex Ferguson hopes for a miracle result at Stamford Bridge on 'Grand Slam Sunday'.

"He's six-foot two, brave as a lion, strong as an ox and quick as lightning. If he was good looking, you'd say he has everything."
Derby manager Paul Jewell on Cristiano Ronaldo.

Barcelona and Brazil forward Ronaldinho will miss the rest of the season after tearing a muscle in his right leg.



The former World Player of the Year has been dogged by injury and fitness problems this season, starting only 13 of his team's 30 league games so far.

The injury means the 28-year-old would miss a potential Champions League semi-final against Manchester United.

The teams are on course to meet in the last four after both won their quarter-final first-leg ties.

Ronaldinho last played for Barcelona in the 2-1 loss at home to Villarreal on 9 March, after which he began to complain of muscle pain in his right leg.

A scan revealed no damage to muscle or tendon, but he was on a training programme to deal with the complaint when the injury occurred.

With eight games of the Spanish season remaining, Barcelona are third in the table, a point behind second-placed Villarreal and seven adrift of leaders Real Madrid.

The injury to Ronaldinho adds to problems caused by the absence of midfielder Deco, who has missed the last six matches with a calf problem.

But inspirational Argentine midfielder Lionel Messi hopes to be back in action in about two weeks time, ahead of the Champions League semi-final first-leg matches on 23 April.